First, I would like to say that DJ is the cheapest ever. It's a fact.
Second, in a world where everyone is so sensative, it's nice to know that there is still a forum for people to stir the pot. Seriously... Switzerland is going to do a lot of good for people and I can already feel the benefits as I express these words.
I look forward to posting here and will do my best to share stories that I think are worthwhile and entertaining.
Dave
Thursday, January 31, 2008
New Co-Author
I would like to announce that during our first day online, Seriously... Switzerland(?) has decided to add a co-author. Please welcome Dave Szamet. Dave is one of my best friends. We have stirred many pots, and had many conversations of which I wish many of you could have been included in. Without a doubt Dave is a confidant and has always been honest and truthful to me. I seek his input on the least serious to the most serious of topics. I encourage you all to read his works and support his latest project www.beardmonth.com.
Please welcome Dave to Seriously... Switzerland(?)
James
Please welcome Dave to Seriously... Switzerland(?)
James
Hotel Oregon
The following is a transcript of parts of the e-mail conversation amongst friends that got this whole Blog going... Note: Some items have been edited for clarity.
Characters:
- James Luu
- DJ Harriman
- Dave Szamet
- Jake Rossman
- Josh K.
(Setting: James is sitting at a desk... Logged onto his laptop.)
James: Dude. Did you send out info about the hotel rooms in Mac yet to everyone? Jake asked last night.
DJ: After thinking that for some reason it was this weekend, I wasn't able to book rooms. I had reserved for the wrong day...
So I’ve been scrambling to get some rooms for us, we’re on the waiting list at Hotel Oregon which is about 3 deep and I’m actively looking into booking rooms elsewhere. Therefore for my mistake, I plan on paying for Cab fairs (sic) that weekend so that we don’t have to find a DD. I’ve already got a the number for a cab down in Mac which can provide us Transportation. I’m looking into Limo Transportation to the event to see how much that would be as well...
James: Dude. Come on man.
DJ: Hey Man, they were already booked before MLK, there was nothing I could do...I am going to keep hounding them, to see if we can at least get a few rooms...I don’t care how annoying I am.
Note: Perhaps a bit of unintentional foreshadowing here in DJ's comments...
DJ: ...I’ve checked into a Limo service its $65 an hour (minimum 4hrs) it would break down to approx $35 based on 8 people.
James: I believe you said 'Therefore for my mistake, I plan on paying for Cab fairs (sic) that weekend so that we don’t have to find a DD.'
I think you should cover it since you did good on the booking of the hotel.
Note: We like to call this... Laying the stage for an epic battle...
DJ: Cover the Cab not the Limo....that’s not all inclusive either. That’s One trip to the event, we’ll take the shuttle bus back to the House, then one trip to muchas.
James: I vote for cabs for all…
“I plan on paying for Cab fairs that weekend.”
The weekend is well… The weekend…
You could just pay some Freshman 20 bones to drive us around everywhere. Or buy him a case of Hamms or something.
DJ: Well see James that was a gesture, not terms of an agreement, therefore as a gesture I get to make the terms, which includes “One trip to the event, we’ll take the shuttle bus back to the House, then one trip to muchas.”
Dave: I thought you were paying for this???
Note: No one is seeing what you are seeing DJ. But we read what you wrote earlier...
James: Whatever man. Hey can you please take care of booking rooms for the Portland Wood Finishing Workshop at the Convention Center for this March. Wouldn’t want to miss that one…
DJ: Dude you don’t know how to finish your Wood, then April must be doing something wrong. Would you like me to book two tickets then so that she can learn as well? They’ll teach you the way of the Ball-cuzzi, it’s the best finishing move.
Jk kidding bro, We’ll still get drunk, wasted and have a good time in Mac, no worries.
Note: The next level is closely approaching.
James: Umm… Actually, the workshop was for yourself. I thought you’d be interested in finishing your coffee table love project for your girlfriend that began last summer and was supposed to be finished by end of summer (didn’t happen), then before Christmas (didn’t happen), then before New Years (didn’t happen)… Or better yet… You go ahead and “try” and book tickets to the workshop, and I’ll bring the table down to Mac so we can burn it in the House fire pit. Bring Joey too. I hear dead animals make great fertilizers.
Dave: Fucking death to Joey!
Dave: DJ, What is the "love table?"
James: DJ, I don’t know if I can afford to keep spending money for utilities to put a roof over your head, Joey’s head, and your stupid love table’s head. That being said. Unless the table or Joey is not gone soon, I will be forced to assess the "Ridiculous things under my roof" fee of an additional $500/month. Included in this fee, please include first and last month’s rent totaling $1,000 and please pay the security deposit of $2,000. And please pay the animal fee of $3,000. So, if I could get that $6,000 no earlier than March 1st, that would be great. Or you can just finish the freaking love table… Jesus.
Thanks,
Slum-lord.
DJ: If either one of you touch Joey in a manner that is inhumane, I’ll be sure to they send you to Federal pound me in the ASS prison, Michael Vick style.
On lighter note, we had the rooms booked but they got one look at Dave’s mug and said no Taliban terrorists allowed, therefore we had to settle for the Best Western. The next time you decide to grow a beard Dave you can book your own room, because it’s really hampering the places we can get into, especially rural towns like McMinnville.
As far as the Table is concerned it’s a coffee table that I’ve been refinishing for like the past 8months
Note: Picture of Dave's Taliban beard to follow.
Dave: So you've been refinishing it for 8 months.
This thing must be an f-ing masterpiece.
Also, it's beard month. Didn't you get the memo?
Thirdly, I am going to stick an M80 in Chloe's (Joey's new name) ass and light the fuse. He's the only cat that I've ever hated.
James: I guess Joey will have to “accidentally” find his way into a box which is then “accidentally” dropped into a large body of water. Or the SF Zoo’s tiger den. All “accidents” of course.
DJ. Don’t lie. You just forgot to book any hotel room.
8 months for a “Love Table” huh? Does it get extra layers of finish for each month you’ve been with your girlfriend? Because that would be funny.
Hey, on the bright side of it all… maybe in one more months time, your “Love Table” will have produced offspring…
Note: Switzerland moment approaching very quickly...
DJ: I’m not going to fight you guys anymore, if you guys want to stay down in Mac let me know. It’ll be at the Best Western. Next time for the 30th you guys can work on booking the Rooms.
Note: And BANG! Welcome to Switzerland... P.S. This was sent only to James and DJ. I promptly forwarded it to the rest of the group.
James: Hey guys... Do you have GPS? Where are we right now? Oh yeah, that's right... Switzerland!
Jake: DJ – If we’re are not at Hotel Oregon that’s fine but I will not be sleeping in the fraternity house. It is not an option, as much as you would like to think it is and have done on numerous occasions post graduation. We didn’t ask you to book the hotel rooms. You volunteered for the job and at this point, your lack of action is your only plight but if you don’t get something booked soon, you may be forced into an early retirement from the council. Book them! Book them now!!!
James: Ahhh… Yes… The council. We may have to put you in the trials with Tim, STC…
Josh: Include Bo and me on the sleeping arrangements. I don't care where, I just want a place to crash. I'm not above sleeping on the floor. I'm just above sleeping in the chapter room.
Note: Everyone wants to chime in when you declare Switzerland...
DJ: I actually was volunteered by James, because he didn’t have to Work MLK day. So truly he could’ve done it himself, he was just sleeping in with April. For those of you that don’t read the emails, we’ll be at the Best Western.
Note: And then the scapegoat... By the way, I'm not Jewish DJ...
Dave: DJ, own it and pay for the limo. No one likes the guy that changes course in the middle of the river. Would you call your country a cunt??
Note: Enter: Pot-stirring.
DJ: Dave, why don’t you pay for the limo, I’m not sure what you’re smoking but I’m not shelling out $260 for everyone to ride in a limo.
Dave: DJ, You're so cheap people from the church would run over animals in front of your house to help with food.It's the least you could do. Brotherhood flows like beer from the tap. DJ, let it flow.......
DJ: Dave I do believe you posted a request to stay at the Paragon, so I’m not sure why you’re calling me Cheap.
“There is also the Paragon which on Kayak.com is only $77 and it's next to the school. A much shorter walk and cheaper. It's kind of a dump but for one night???”
Note: This... I give props to DJ for this. Very un-Switzerland. It's just too bad he already declared Switzerland... Therefore, attempt... Denied!
Dave: I never said that I would pay for Transpo and then backed out like you have time and again. I mean it's like you commit and then back out. Jesus, I only said the Paragon to save you money. I was thinking in your best interest. Seriously DJ, on a scale of 1 to 10 where do you put yourself and your friends????
Note: Touche!
DJ: Did I ever say that I would pay for a limo, no I said CAB, one’s three letters the other is four. Grab yourself a dictionary and do us all a favor.
Note: Declaring Switzerland means you don't get to play the semantics card...
Dave: Well, I think that everyone on this email would appreciate it. And, I think in light of your screw up, it would be the appropriate thing to do. So be a bro and rent the limo.
Jake: Maybe the driver will be into “Love” tables and you can make a trade.
Note: AWESOME!
James: DJ, you’ve already declared “Switzerland” on this whole discussion…
“I’m not going to fight you guys anymore, if you guys want to stay down in Mac let me know. It’ll be at the Best Western. Next time for the 30th you guys can work on booking the Rooms.”
So I would stop while you’re behind this far, because you’re not going to get any further ahead… By the way, I’ve started a whole Blog on this Switzerland business… I’ll forward it to you all when I’m done with this second posting.
End: Exit
And there you have it folks, the reason behind this blog... Switzerland! I hope you enjoyed this little story. Until the next posting...
James
Characters:
- James Luu
- DJ Harriman
- Dave Szamet
- Jake Rossman
- Josh K.
(Setting: James is sitting at a desk... Logged onto his laptop.)
James: Dude. Did you send out info about the hotel rooms in Mac yet to everyone? Jake asked last night.
DJ: After thinking that for some reason it was this weekend, I wasn't able to book rooms. I had reserved for the wrong day...
So I’ve been scrambling to get some rooms for us, we’re on the waiting list at Hotel Oregon which is about 3 deep and I’m actively looking into booking rooms elsewhere. Therefore for my mistake, I plan on paying for Cab fairs (sic) that weekend so that we don’t have to find a DD. I’ve already got a the number for a cab down in Mac which can provide us Transportation. I’m looking into Limo Transportation to the event to see how much that would be as well...
James: Dude. Come on man.
DJ: Hey Man, they were already booked before MLK, there was nothing I could do...I am going to keep hounding them, to see if we can at least get a few rooms...I don’t care how annoying I am.
Note: Perhaps a bit of unintentional foreshadowing here in DJ's comments...
DJ: ...I’ve checked into a Limo service its $65 an hour (minimum 4hrs) it would break down to approx $35 based on 8 people.
James: I believe you said 'Therefore for my mistake, I plan on paying for Cab fairs (sic) that weekend so that we don’t have to find a DD.'
I think you should cover it since you did good on the booking of the hotel.
Note: We like to call this... Laying the stage for an epic battle...
DJ: Cover the Cab not the Limo....that’s not all inclusive either. That’s One trip to the event, we’ll take the shuttle bus back to the House, then one trip to muchas.
James: I vote for cabs for all…
“I plan on paying for Cab fairs that weekend.”
The weekend is well… The weekend…
You could just pay some Freshman 20 bones to drive us around everywhere. Or buy him a case of Hamms or something.
DJ: Well see James that was a gesture, not terms of an agreement, therefore as a gesture I get to make the terms, which includes “One trip to the event, we’ll take the shuttle bus back to the House, then one trip to muchas.”
Dave: I thought you were paying for this???
Note: No one is seeing what you are seeing DJ. But we read what you wrote earlier...
James: Whatever man. Hey can you please take care of booking rooms for the Portland Wood Finishing Workshop at the Convention Center for this March. Wouldn’t want to miss that one…
DJ: Dude you don’t know how to finish your Wood, then April must be doing something wrong. Would you like me to book two tickets then so that she can learn as well? They’ll teach you the way of the Ball-cuzzi, it’s the best finishing move.
Jk kidding bro, We’ll still get drunk, wasted and have a good time in Mac, no worries.
Note: The next level is closely approaching.
James: Umm… Actually, the workshop was for yourself. I thought you’d be interested in finishing your coffee table love project for your girlfriend that began last summer and was supposed to be finished by end of summer (didn’t happen), then before Christmas (didn’t happen), then before New Years (didn’t happen)… Or better yet… You go ahead and “try” and book tickets to the workshop, and I’ll bring the table down to Mac so we can burn it in the House fire pit. Bring Joey too. I hear dead animals make great fertilizers.
Dave: Fucking death to Joey!
Dave: DJ, What is the "love table?"
James: DJ, I don’t know if I can afford to keep spending money for utilities to put a roof over your head, Joey’s head, and your stupid love table’s head. That being said. Unless the table or Joey is not gone soon, I will be forced to assess the "Ridiculous things under my roof" fee of an additional $500/month. Included in this fee, please include first and last month’s rent totaling $1,000 and please pay the security deposit of $2,000. And please pay the animal fee of $3,000. So, if I could get that $6,000 no earlier than March 1st, that would be great. Or you can just finish the freaking love table… Jesus.
Thanks,
Slum-lord.
DJ: If either one of you touch Joey in a manner that is inhumane, I’ll be sure to they send you to Federal pound me in the ASS prison, Michael Vick style.
On lighter note, we had the rooms booked but they got one look at Dave’s mug and said no Taliban terrorists allowed, therefore we had to settle for the Best Western. The next time you decide to grow a beard Dave you can book your own room, because it’s really hampering the places we can get into, especially rural towns like McMinnville.
As far as the Table is concerned it’s a coffee table that I’ve been refinishing for like the past 8months
Note: Picture of Dave's Taliban beard to follow.
Dave: So you've been refinishing it for 8 months.
This thing must be an f-ing masterpiece.
Also, it's beard month. Didn't you get the memo?
Thirdly, I am going to stick an M80 in Chloe's (Joey's new name) ass and light the fuse. He's the only cat that I've ever hated.
James: I guess Joey will have to “accidentally” find his way into a box which is then “accidentally” dropped into a large body of water. Or the SF Zoo’s tiger den. All “accidents” of course.
DJ. Don’t lie. You just forgot to book any hotel room.
8 months for a “Love Table” huh? Does it get extra layers of finish for each month you’ve been with your girlfriend? Because that would be funny.
Hey, on the bright side of it all… maybe in one more months time, your “Love Table” will have produced offspring…
Note: Switzerland moment approaching very quickly...
DJ: I’m not going to fight you guys anymore, if you guys want to stay down in Mac let me know. It’ll be at the Best Western. Next time for the 30th you guys can work on booking the Rooms.
Note: And BANG! Welcome to Switzerland... P.S. This was sent only to James and DJ. I promptly forwarded it to the rest of the group.
James: Hey guys... Do you have GPS? Where are we right now? Oh yeah, that's right... Switzerland!
Jake: DJ – If we’re are not at Hotel Oregon that’s fine but I will not be sleeping in the fraternity house. It is not an option, as much as you would like to think it is and have done on numerous occasions post graduation. We didn’t ask you to book the hotel rooms. You volunteered for the job and at this point, your lack of action is your only plight but if you don’t get something booked soon, you may be forced into an early retirement from the council. Book them! Book them now!!!
James: Ahhh… Yes… The council. We may have to put you in the trials with Tim, STC…
Josh: Include Bo and me on the sleeping arrangements. I don't care where, I just want a place to crash. I'm not above sleeping on the floor. I'm just above sleeping in the chapter room.
Note: Everyone wants to chime in when you declare Switzerland...
DJ: I actually was volunteered by James, because he didn’t have to Work MLK day. So truly he could’ve done it himself, he was just sleeping in with April. For those of you that don’t read the emails, we’ll be at the Best Western.
Note: And then the scapegoat... By the way, I'm not Jewish DJ...
Dave: DJ, own it and pay for the limo. No one likes the guy that changes course in the middle of the river. Would you call your country a cunt??
Note: Enter: Pot-stirring.
DJ: Dave, why don’t you pay for the limo, I’m not sure what you’re smoking but I’m not shelling out $260 for everyone to ride in a limo.
Dave: DJ, You're so cheap people from the church would run over animals in front of your house to help with food.It's the least you could do. Brotherhood flows like beer from the tap. DJ, let it flow.......
DJ: Dave I do believe you posted a request to stay at the Paragon, so I’m not sure why you’re calling me Cheap.
“There is also the Paragon which on Kayak.com is only $77 and it's next to the school. A much shorter walk and cheaper. It's kind of a dump but for one night???”
Note: This... I give props to DJ for this. Very un-Switzerland. It's just too bad he already declared Switzerland... Therefore, attempt... Denied!
Dave: I never said that I would pay for Transpo and then backed out like you have time and again. I mean it's like you commit and then back out. Jesus, I only said the Paragon to save you money. I was thinking in your best interest. Seriously DJ, on a scale of 1 to 10 where do you put yourself and your friends????
Note: Touche!
DJ: Did I ever say that I would pay for a limo, no I said CAB, one’s three letters the other is four. Grab yourself a dictionary and do us all a favor.
Note: Declaring Switzerland means you don't get to play the semantics card...
Dave: Well, I think that everyone on this email would appreciate it. And, I think in light of your screw up, it would be the appropriate thing to do. So be a bro and rent the limo.
Jake: Maybe the driver will be into “Love” tables and you can make a trade.
Note: AWESOME!
James: DJ, you’ve already declared “Switzerland” on this whole discussion…
“I’m not going to fight you guys anymore, if you guys want to stay down in Mac let me know. It’ll be at the Best Western. Next time for the 30th you guys can work on booking the Rooms.”
So I would stop while you’re behind this far, because you’re not going to get any further ahead… By the way, I’ve started a whole Blog on this Switzerland business… I’ll forward it to you all when I’m done with this second posting.
End: Exit
And there you have it folks, the reason behind this blog... Switzerland! I hope you enjoyed this little story. Until the next posting...
James
Seriously... Switzerland(?)
Ladies and Gentlemen... Mainly Ladies,
Welcome to the first posting in my very first blog, Seriously... Switzerland(?). Think about that title for a moment. Let me know if you get it. If you don't, well, you'll be the perfect subject for this blog. You either get it and are in the club or you're not. Hopefully, as time goes by and this blog fills up, you'll see what I'm getting at. And if you still don't... Well, send me a message. Maybe we can enlighten your mind with the latest happenings of the serious and not so serious concept of the "Switzerland Position."
Respek,
James
P.S. If you still don't get it, then look it up here you dumb ass: www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=switzerland
Welcome to the first posting in my very first blog, Seriously... Switzerland(?). Think about that title for a moment. Let me know if you get it. If you don't, well, you'll be the perfect subject for this blog. You either get it and are in the club or you're not. Hopefully, as time goes by and this blog fills up, you'll see what I'm getting at. And if you still don't... Well, send me a message. Maybe we can enlighten your mind with the latest happenings of the serious and not so serious concept of the "Switzerland Position."
Respek,
James
P.S. If you still don't get it, then look it up here you dumb ass: www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=switzerland
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