What's So Civil About War?

In case you even needed to ask, I will be unleashing the entirety of my Quacker Backer arsenal at the Civil War game on Saturday. The regalia shall include: "Live Green Yell O" t-shirt (fund raiser tee for the Oregon Marching Band & Cheerleaders – it takes a village, people), yellow "O" baseball hat, the gorgeous bright yellow fleece (rumored to be visible from space), "O" eyeblack (eyegreen... whatever), my oh-so flashy green and yellow UofO fleece gloves, and if weather requires: the matching scarf. Where I'm really going to push this to a higher level of obnoxiousness, though, is with the duckbill whistle – the ducklips – around my neck. To be honest, most duck fans don't really like the ducklips. Most duck fans will frown on anybody over the age of 13 even owning a pair. Just imagine the interest that the Beaver Believers will have in them.

Some background, if you are unfamiliar... I'm not sure how long the ducklips have been around, but it is easy to see how the idea originated: combine noisemaker with duck anatomy, and voila! This being before my time as a student and duck fan began, I can't share from personal experience, but I'm pretty sure that these things were immensely popular when they first came out. I mean, they are noisemakers that simultaneously facilitate the merging of man and duck. It doesn't get any better that that! The fact that these helped raise the Autzen decibel level a bit was good, too.

The problem, though, is when not at the game. Buying the ducklips for one's 8 year-old son seemed like a brilliant idea until the car ride home, when he wouldn't shut the hell up with them on the freeway. Or at home. Or while running errands. Or while anywhere doing anything until you stole the things and threw them away when he wasn't looking.

You can see how the ducklips backlash was swift and severe. I only brought the damn things to Autzen a couple times before I figured out that nobody was very amused. But hell, I figure I'm walking into the lion's den and nobody is going to be amused by anything about me as it is. However, with interest for my personal safety in mind, and in the hopes of not getting chew spit in my face, the actual activation of the ducklips – the duck call – will be very sparing.

As for the game itself, let me present my analysis.

Oregon Strength -

Oregon doesn't seem like it should stand a chance. The Beavs have the better standings, the better stats, the better star player, and obviously home-field advantage. One thing that they do have this time around (but don't seem to normally) is the better health. At the beginning of the year, the QB situation in particular looked grim, to say the least. One more serious injury would have left the coaching staff having to seriously consider open tryouts at the most critical position on the team. However, as the season has progressed, Jeremiah Masoli has evolved into a reliable member of the squad. Not just with his health, but his decision making and profound natural athleticism. Key members of the squad have been playing together for more than a few games now, and they've even had an extra week to rest and prepare. The Ducks will be rested, ready and hungry.

Oregon Weakness –

Sure, they are comparably ranked, but in the looking at the schedule, the Duck's strength would seem to be in mercilessly kicking the crap out of bad teams. Against good teams, Oregon has looked unsure of themselves and their game plan, and has been humiliated in a couple of their losses.

With certainty, Oregon State is not a bad team. The Beavs losses came very early in the season, and they've been nearly on cruise control since. The game plan has to be solid going in, for sure, but adjustments will also need to be made. If their previous difficulties to adapt turn out to be an omen, I'm not convinced the coaching staff is up to the challenge.

Oregon State Strength –

Oregon State is a squad that is great at the nuts and bolts of football. Their players are hard working, well coached and have succeeded with the dependable mantras of running the ball and defense. When teams make mistakes, and Oregon certainly will, the Beavers have been able to convert them into points and time of possession. No game is more emblematic of this than the home win against USC. If you can play 4 quarters of football, and punish the other team when they make mistakes, you can win damn near any game. The Quarterback position has been marked with uncertainty, and the potential loss of Jaquizzical would be very troublesome, but with their strong offensive line, they won't need to land haymakers to win.

Oregon State Weakness –

I hate to say it, but karma. Things have been going well in Corvallis. Too well. Close your eyes with me and imagine the coverage of the game on the 11 o' clock news. What seems more likely – a bunch of jubilant rednecks in orange and black parading down the street, or an eerily quiet Reeser stadium crowd somberly filing out, with the knowledge of the Rose Bowl slipping through their fingers weighing on their collective mind. I can almost hear the visiting team celebrating on the sideline.

Let me put it this way: I have a better feeling about them winning the Rose Bowl than I do the Civil War.

Overall, I agree with Jake that Oregon State will win, but I disagree that it will be by double digits. Neither has had a double digit win over a team that I would describe as above average. Oregon has proved too unsteady to put teams away when they get a lead (and I think they will), but Oregon State definitely lacks the firepower for a blowout. Look for Oregon State's defensive backs to be the pivotal position of the game. They've been lights out of late, and few offenses like to put the ball in the air more than Oregon. The game will end when Masoli throws an interception on 3^rd and long with 2:15 left. Beavs win 30-24. Their basketball team still sucks, though.

A Pasadena Boquet

It came down to a kick. Not just any kick but a kick that came after a missed PAT. What?!? Yeah, a missed PAT. Kahut better be thanking his lucky stars the the OSU Beavs' coach Mike Riley even game him a chance at redemption. Not since Linfield was playing for a national championship have I been so nervous about a college football game. I knew Kahut was going to blow the PAT. In Dave's words it is the NW curse. Teams from the state of Oregon just know how to shoot themselves in the foot...and then, Kahut kicks a 25 yard field goal as time expires for the 19-17 win over Arizona in the desert. Kahut's kick also set the table for one of the most storied Civil War games between Oregon State and Oregon in the history of the 100+ year series. So much for the curse...for now.

The only problem facing the Beavs run at a Rose Bowl rematch with the Nittany Lions is the voodoo hex Pete Carrol put on the Pac-10's leading rusher and likely offensive player of the year, Jaquizz Rodgers. The quiz show has taken his licks this year but during the Beavs' second possession on a rutine run to the right, he lowers his shoulder *POP* and he has a minor dislocation. Out for the game. Out for the Civil War? That remains to be seen.

Last year, Dennis Dixon, a Heisman candidate and offensive juggernaut for Oregon, goes down with a torn ACL two games before the Civil War and the Ducks loose at home to the Beavs for the first time in something like a decade. Could the cancellation of the quiz show cost OSU its trip to Pasadena? I think not.

Saturday, there is talk that ESPN's College Game Day could be in Corvallis. Tim and I will be drinking some wine en route to the game, he in yellow, most like his obnoxious yellow fleece number that he busts out to imitate Big Bird, and me in my orange and black. Dave's little brother Adam will no doubt be huddled over his crimson and yellow Carrol shrine hoping for the Ducks to take back the Platypus trophy but his prayers are only falling on deaf ears. God is a Beaver fan and Mike Riley channels Jesus on a daily basis. Riley is a nurturer of talent, just ask Dwight Jaynes. And, he is not just saying so because he has to sell papers (unlike Canzano, who has jumped on the bandwagon and is slapping the reigns), he is now just a blogger.

The Ducks are a formidable opponent but they don't stand a chance, even if the Beavs are without Quiz and starting Canfield. It starts with defense and the mighty Corvallis Crusaders got some. If the Ducks quarterback Masoli even tries to the throw the ball, pick city, and the Beavs have enough team speed to contain the Ducks running attack. Not even the best defense in the conference, USC giving up only 225 yard/game could contain the Beavs, who put up 341. Oregon State, by the way, is the 11th ranked defense in the country. The Ducks...do you really want to know? Ok, 73rd, giving up a whopping 375 yards per contest. Yikes!

Beavers win this Civil War by double digits.

If you asked me if the Beavs are the best team in the Pac-8 (sorry Washington schools, you didn't make the cut), I would say no but do they deserve to go the Rose Bowl? An emphatic yes! It's been 44 years since the Beavs spent New Years in Pasadena. If the Trojans wouldn't have overlooked a then 1-2 Beaver team, we wouldn't be having this conversation and the Rose Bowl would have turned into an at-large bid as the Trojans would go on to win the BCS Championship FedEx Bowl in Florida. However, if the cards fall right, USC could still sneak into Florida but for now the cards are stacked in favor of the Beavs and Eue de le Roses Rouge is in the air.

Can they beat Penn State on a neutral field? The way Riley has shepherded his team up until this point makes be believe that he can walk on water, so yes, the Beavs got a shot.

Arugula, Meat and Potatoes & Kool-Aid

First, I would like to applaud the fact the Tim and Jake have decided to start blogging again. It has been since August since we have last had the pleasure of reading one of Tim's posts and it has been since July since Jake last posted (his first post and only post at the time.)

Second, I would like to announce that this forum is not meant for politics. It is never mentioned explicitly in the second title of the blog and it was not intended to be a forum for politics, Democratic, Republican or otherwise. Despite that, if you do bring politics up, please try to bring Switzerland in play, see below.

Third, after spending the last 15 minutes reading the rants of the two afore-mentioned bloggers I've come to the following observations:

- Politics requires quite lengthy posts.
- There is very little room for facetiousness and humor in politics and discussing politics (this is not very Switzerland.)
- There is plenty of room for finger-pointing, name-calling, friends and enemies in politics (this is very Switzerland.)
- Altogether, I rate this discussion as a 6 out of 10 on the Switzerland scale. It fits some of the criteria but is seriously lacking in many of the key Switzerland elements. And it was lengthy and a bit whiny on both fronts. But thank you for writing again.

Fourth, I'd like to address the 6 out of 10 rating by adding some humorous quotes on politics. They are facetious, humorous and succinct:

- To Tim in regards to your comment of "we maintain bridges so that they do not collapse." - "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where they is no river." ~Nikita Khrushchev

- To Jake in regards to this comment, "Where we differ is that I believe in his conviction and ability to make his bullshit come to fruition." - "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." ~Ernest Benn

- To Jake regarding Richard Clarke - "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." ~Ronald Reagan

- In regards to Tim, Jake, King Bush I, Clinton, King Bush II and Obama - "George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles." ~Author Unknown

- In regards to Tim Cathcart (D-OR) v. Jake Rossman (D-OR) - "In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves." ~R.A. Butler

With that... I'm going to bring us back to an 8 out of 10 now,

James (I-OR)

P.S. A SE Portland Bar, some booze and maybe a street fight with some hippies (and Jake trying to play mediator instead of backing his boys up, e.g. the Dave outside Ringler's incident) will bring this up to a 10. So... What are you guys doing this weekend?

Obama Bandwagon, A Repsonse

First of all, if you are going to try and make a point that is contrary to one you know that is going to be argued, please do not slander my name by putting words into my mouth that were not there. I never said you were being a hater, we were just fervently arguing the two sides of the Obama coin.

Second, you never made your point. I think your thesis was “kicking the Republicans out of office won’t solve all our problems.” Then, you loosely associated Obama’s upcoming tenure with that of Bill Clinton by the way of the economy and foreign policy as means to justify your own tempered expectations for Obama. However, you said that you haven’t really researched either of the subjects, which devalues your entire argument.

Yet, I do agree with you that foreign policy and the economy are the two most important areas that must be addressed early in Obama’s stay in the White House. First, I want to address foreign policy. The attacks of 9/11 were tragic and while we can all point fingers as to who is to blame, the point is not how it happened but what was done afterwards. If you want to read a good book on everything leading up to 9/11 read Richard Clarke’s Against All Enemies. Bush, after 9/11, declared war on terror (maybe the right thing to do in seeking to destroy al-Qaeda ) but got aggressive with his happy dance on Sadam’s buret. We all know the repercussions of these events and Bush isn’t going to be appearing on Dancing With the Stars anytime soon. The economy is being stretched by the war but should be alleviated once Barack takes office and phases the U.S. out of Iraq.

I am not sure where you were going with the tech-bubble argument other than saying that it was a democrat that was in office when it was inflated. Yet, its subsequent burst had little to do with the executive branch of our government. If you do want to trace it back and put the blame on a past president, you would have to go all the way back to Regan. His policies and deregulation of the financial markets opened the door for the likes of Ken Lay and mark-to-market accounting. The same could be said for the banking industry crises, which is really what is affecting our current economic situation. Free market economics and the lack of substantial oversight led to that collapse, not Clinton. You could say that he was guilty of inattentiveness but very few saw either of these events coming until it was too late. During the debates, Obama took a substantial lead in the polls because he has the right ideas about the economy. Trickle down economics don’t work and he wants to empower the working the class.

Here is where the meat and potatoes of this argument actually reside and the question that you failed to ask yourself. Do you believe that Barack can accomplish what he said he was going to during his campaign? Your apathy leads me to believe that you are taking a wait and see approach, which is all well and good. I, and thousands of other, believe that he can and that is why we are excited.

I agree with you that everyone is Washington DC is a politician; Barack, Bush, Pelosi, Clinton and even Palin. However, I think it is unfair to classify them all as the same type of politician. There are some politicians that say what you want to hear for the sake of saying what you want to hear only to get themselves elected, then, rarely come through with the goods.

One of the primary reasons why I think people are moved by Barack's words is because they don't view him as a politician who orates on the flowery image of tomorrow for the sake of getting elected. I, among thousands of others, actually believe that he is saying what he truly believes in and will fight tooth and nail when he is office to accomplish what he has put forth.

You wrote, “While I am hopeful that the rhetoric of his campaign can be realized in his policy, there is nothing unfair with qualifying everything he says as being uttered from a politician.” In this you are saying that because he is a “politician” everything he says is just bullshit until he does something about it. Where we differ is that I believe in his conviction and ability to make his bullshit come to fruition. If you think this makes me a follower of the Messiah or that I’m seeing images of sugar plum fairies dancing in my head, I guess we are just going to have to agree to disagree on this point.

It is not just about democratic control of the executive and legislative branches, it is about who is in positions of leadership and capable of not just righting this ship that is nearly at the bottom of Persian Gulf but bringing her home to prosperity.

That is why I am excited, elated, jumping out of my chair, shouting in the streets, supporting Kenya’s national holiday and arguing with you about this. So why should I and everyone else calm the fuck down? We are ready for change and we can see it coming.

Obama Party Wagon

I joined many Americans in watching the emotional celebration of Barack Obama’s presidential election victory. This is certainly a pivotal moment in our country’s battle against racial division, and I recognize the feelings behind the tears of joy shed by many African brothers and sisters, and others who have found frustration in the country’s historical difficulties in living out the innate human right of equality for all.

However, beyond the potent symbolic significance of this moment from a civil rights standpoint, I would like to encourage my Barack loving countrymen to calm the fuck down. In the midst of the great worldwide circlejerk of 11/5/08, I propose a reality check. Please, don’t misunderstand me: I am not a Barack hater, as Jake seemed to think as we debated this topic last night. I do not disbelieve that he can make our country better. In fact, I will even offer up the disclosure that I voted for him. I would simply like to test the brakes on the Barack Obama presidential party wagon.

Dear passionate American Democrats, Barack Obama is not the second coming of Christ. He is not a miracle worker. He is not a Herculean demi-god or magical forest sprite. His profession is politician. Do not forget this. And if there is one thing that successful career politicians are good at, it is telling people what they want to hear. Without question: Barack Obama is the best at this of anybody I’ve witnessed in my lifetime. While I am hopeful that the rhetoric of his campaign can be realized in his policy, there is nothing unfair with qualifying everything he says as being uttered from a politician. Before you lay down your life in his defense, ask yourself two questions: “Is Barack Obama a politican? Is he telling me things that I enjoy hearing?”

“We’re taking a step towards a beautiful tomorrow! We’re gaining the trust and respect of the world again! America will once again be a shining beacon of prosperity and humanity.” Yeah, yeah, yeah... all right already: I get it. However, we’re not there yet, so until actual policy has been implemented, and progress has been made, please calm the fuck down a little bit.

As frustrating as the reign of King Bush II has been (thanks for giving John Stewart the material, though), can I try to also put some perspective on it for the purpose of tempering our expectations for Obama? Let me be the insane-by-Portland-standards devil’s advocate here and argue that kicking the Republicans out of office won’t solve all our problems. From what I can tell, the two most significant issues for Americans in this election were 1) the economy, and 2) foreign policy. I haven’t really researched this, so maybe I’m wrong, but those seem like the two topics getting the most play in the news. Hopefully tears of hysterical joy streaming down your face won’t prevent you from reading on.

1) On the topic of the economy, let us remember that while Bush had a budget surplus to work with going into office, he also inherited a tech-bubble and economic recession. Can’t argue that was his fault. So, if we want to heap blame for the current bubble and recession on him, I think it fair to allocate blame for the tech-bubble and subsequent recession on the preceding Democratic administration.

2) As far as foreign policy goes, I think it safe to say we really went ape shit during Bush’s tenure picking fights, much of which was unpopular, expensive and ill-advised. However, to all those who yearn for the peachy-keen peace and pacifism of the last Democrat in office, all that sunshine and buttercups, don’t forget that inattention to a problem wont make it go away. Bush reacted to 9/11/01 in ways that didn’t make sense and that I strongly disagree with – Guantanamo, Iraq, forming the Department of Homeland Security, the Patriot Act, etc. However, when al-Qaeda and other terrorist networks orchestrated three separate major attacks on the United States prior to Bush's election (Oh yeah! Remember that? The Khobar towers bombing of 1996? The embassy bombings in Tanzania and Kenya in 1998? The USS Cole attack in 2000? – As I recall, Clinton reacted to the embassy bombings by pissing a couple cruise missile in the direction of the middle east, but since he was busy weaseling his way out of his marital indiscretion, everybody figured he was trying to “wag the dog”.), the Democrat commander in chief didn’t do anything meaningful about it.

In my opinion Clinton, the Democrat, got the kid gloves of history for his inaction. If you want to get angry about how the Republican president reacted to 9/11, I think it fair to also get angry at Clinton’s Democratic administration for not doing anything to prevent it, even with giant neon warning signs flashing in their face.

All that said, I present a toast: to not having Sarah Palin as a part of our everyday lives for the next four years. I think after enduring the current administration, we deserve to have some people in the White House who don’t routinely present themselves as uneducated morons. My sincerest wish is that she float whatever breeze brought her into the national spotlight back up to the arctic and stay there.

Another toast: to having a reader and a writer as president again. Of all the embarrassing qualities of Bush’s presidency, few bother me more than his confession that he doesn’t like reading much. Why not just confess to not enjoy thinking much? There is nothing wrong with having an intellectual in office, as long as his mind is tempered with reality. This bothers certain folks, though, for some reason. The arugula thing. My response: in a country where one in 19 people develop colon cancer, we could use a little arugula in our diet.