Obama Party Wagon

I joined many Americans in watching the emotional celebration of Barack Obama’s presidential election victory. This is certainly a pivotal moment in our country’s battle against racial division, and I recognize the feelings behind the tears of joy shed by many African brothers and sisters, and others who have found frustration in the country’s historical difficulties in living out the innate human right of equality for all.

However, beyond the potent symbolic significance of this moment from a civil rights standpoint, I would like to encourage my Barack loving countrymen to calm the fuck down. In the midst of the great worldwide circlejerk of 11/5/08, I propose a reality check. Please, don’t misunderstand me: I am not a Barack hater, as Jake seemed to think as we debated this topic last night. I do not disbelieve that he can make our country better. In fact, I will even offer up the disclosure that I voted for him. I would simply like to test the brakes on the Barack Obama presidential party wagon.

Dear passionate American Democrats, Barack Obama is not the second coming of Christ. He is not a miracle worker. He is not a Herculean demi-god or magical forest sprite. His profession is politician. Do not forget this. And if there is one thing that successful career politicians are good at, it is telling people what they want to hear. Without question: Barack Obama is the best at this of anybody I’ve witnessed in my lifetime. While I am hopeful that the rhetoric of his campaign can be realized in his policy, there is nothing unfair with qualifying everything he says as being uttered from a politician. Before you lay down your life in his defense, ask yourself two questions: “Is Barack Obama a politican? Is he telling me things that I enjoy hearing?”

“We’re taking a step towards a beautiful tomorrow! We’re gaining the trust and respect of the world again! America will once again be a shining beacon of prosperity and humanity.” Yeah, yeah, yeah... all right already: I get it. However, we’re not there yet, so until actual policy has been implemented, and progress has been made, please calm the fuck down a little bit.

As frustrating as the reign of King Bush II has been (thanks for giving John Stewart the material, though), can I try to also put some perspective on it for the purpose of tempering our expectations for Obama? Let me be the insane-by-Portland-standards devil’s advocate here and argue that kicking the Republicans out of office won’t solve all our problems. From what I can tell, the two most significant issues for Americans in this election were 1) the economy, and 2) foreign policy. I haven’t really researched this, so maybe I’m wrong, but those seem like the two topics getting the most play in the news. Hopefully tears of hysterical joy streaming down your face won’t prevent you from reading on.

1) On the topic of the economy, let us remember that while Bush had a budget surplus to work with going into office, he also inherited a tech-bubble and economic recession. Can’t argue that was his fault. So, if we want to heap blame for the current bubble and recession on him, I think it fair to allocate blame for the tech-bubble and subsequent recession on the preceding Democratic administration.

2) As far as foreign policy goes, I think it safe to say we really went ape shit during Bush’s tenure picking fights, much of which was unpopular, expensive and ill-advised. However, to all those who yearn for the peachy-keen peace and pacifism of the last Democrat in office, all that sunshine and buttercups, don’t forget that inattention to a problem wont make it go away. Bush reacted to 9/11/01 in ways that didn’t make sense and that I strongly disagree with – Guantanamo, Iraq, forming the Department of Homeland Security, the Patriot Act, etc. However, when al-Qaeda and other terrorist networks orchestrated three separate major attacks on the United States prior to Bush's election (Oh yeah! Remember that? The Khobar towers bombing of 1996? The embassy bombings in Tanzania and Kenya in 1998? The USS Cole attack in 2000? – As I recall, Clinton reacted to the embassy bombings by pissing a couple cruise missile in the direction of the middle east, but since he was busy weaseling his way out of his marital indiscretion, everybody figured he was trying to “wag the dog”.), the Democrat commander in chief didn’t do anything meaningful about it.

In my opinion Clinton, the Democrat, got the kid gloves of history for his inaction. If you want to get angry about how the Republican president reacted to 9/11, I think it fair to also get angry at Clinton’s Democratic administration for not doing anything to prevent it, even with giant neon warning signs flashing in their face.

All that said, I present a toast: to not having Sarah Palin as a part of our everyday lives for the next four years. I think after enduring the current administration, we deserve to have some people in the White House who don’t routinely present themselves as uneducated morons. My sincerest wish is that she float whatever breeze brought her into the national spotlight back up to the arctic and stay there.

Another toast: to having a reader and a writer as president again. Of all the embarrassing qualities of Bush’s presidency, few bother me more than his confession that he doesn’t like reading much. Why not just confess to not enjoy thinking much? There is nothing wrong with having an intellectual in office, as long as his mind is tempered with reality. This bothers certain folks, though, for some reason. The arugula thing. My response: in a country where one in 19 people develop colon cancer, we could use a little arugula in our diet.